Secondary menu

Ι just want my mom!

mom and baby reading together

Toddlers usually show their preference to a parent and especially to their mom. But why is this happening and what do you do if you are the underprivileged parent?

Whether hanging out at their mom's skirt or admiring dad as a hero, many children go through the stages of their preference for one parent. Common sense dictates that parents do not take it personally, as it is a time that will pass. Of course, when this happens, Dad gets upset, but he has to be patient and try to reach out to his child, spending time with him daily.

Why Do Kids Have Mom Preferences?

Boys develop in their childhood the Oedipus complex (towards the mother) and the girls respectively the Electra complex (towards the father). It is a normal developmental phase, in which, in addition to their emotional and mental development, their sexual search makes its appearance. Identifying with the opposite sex parent means, among other things, knowing and slowly learning his body through play, queries, touching and more. This is how the child himself discovers his own. Babies usually only want their mom, especially if they spend many hours with her.

However, during adolescence, and while sexual awakening is very intense, he has already learned enough about the functioning of his body and his erotic mood increases. The same-sex parent should be in direct contact with the adolescent as a guide, counselor, and role model while undertaking his or her sexual orientation.

Psychologists argue that all children have preferences, but some show it more strongly than others. On the other hand, many parents are too often attached to the child of the opposite sex, and in trying to recover from that feeling and acceptance, they "ally" with him, often exonerating their partner. This is often an indication that the couple is having a problem. That this relationship does not cover one or both of them psychologically or mentally, that there is no good communication, so close contact with the child works as a counterbalance to the parent's emotional vacuum.

There are many factors that can affect a child's relationship with each parent.

Age plays a key role in children's preference.

By the age of 3 children tend to be attached to the caregiver. Between 3 and 5 they become more interested in role-playing games and tend to bond with the same-sex parent.

The parent who sees his child less than the one who sees him all day excites the child's interest. But just being a constant presence for the child is not the same as participating in their games. Quality and not quantity is what makes the difference!

The bad and the good guy!

If daddy is the one who makes the rolls, buys rolls and bribes the kids with ice cream while mom chases them to eat their vegetables or bathe, then the preference is clear! In addition, children can easily understand which of the two parents is more ... accessible.

When they are tired, sick or in need of security and confirmation, children are naturally drawn to the parent who usually cares for them. Parents, after all, have different strengths over time, which children perceive and focus on accordingly.

When parents quarrel, children often feel that they have to take part in one of the two, especially if parents try to get them involved in a fight!

«You don't care about me!»

Have you ever thought that your child is deliberately showing his or her preference to your spouse to get your attention? Especially if the "thrown" parent reacts, the child can show more strongly his preference for the other. This kind of behavior may be indicative of other problems that they are experiencing.

We all do better with some people than with others. So in the child-parent relationship there can be no exception. Some links are stronger than others!

Unconditional love

The key is to show your child that love is not a competition. We can love people in different ways and for different reasons, but the love of parents is unconditional and conditional. Help your child develop these emotions by showing enthusiasm for every expression of tenderness he shows you, and by making him feel that love has measures and weights.

Persistence and mutual support!

Talk to your partner about the style each of you has and agree on a common cruise line, but you both have to adhere. It is important in front of the child to support each other and have a united front so that the child can understand that he has no hope of "throwing" one of the two.

Also, re-homework, change roles briefly to keep your balance. It is important for both parents to have an equal share in the play and in the imposition of order, so that they can be treated the same as their child.

Facing the rejection

If you are the parent who "rejects" the child, do not take it personally. You cannot blame your child for being delusional because they are not intended to cause pain. Do not dismiss your behavior. Instead, show him that love is unconditional and apply the golden rule of patience and perseverance. The best way to bond with your child is to spend time with them.
If, on the other hand, you are the favored parent, encourage your child to improve his or her relationship with your partner. Share activities as a family and show that there is enough love for everyone that can be shared equally. And most importantly do not interfere with the way your class imposes or binds your partner with the child.

Kids have almost magical abilities to manipulate you! If you notice that it uses creases to attract attention, ignore it. If you think something else is hiding, look for it. Play the role playing dolls with him. Imagine a family and ask him questions to understand how he sees things. For example, ask what the baby doll thinks about the mother doll. You can also discuss family relationships through stories in books or on television.

Beloved grandparents

If you live too far from your parents-in-law and too close to your parents, and as a result the child sees them more than they do, it is natural for some to show preference. It is your job to teach him that relationships are different, but of equal value and importance. Make her want to see both them and them with the same longing whether they stay close or not. Finally, whatever problems you have with your parents-in-law or parents, you should not deprive your child of contact with them.

mom